The Learning Wound

Many of us have a learning wound– a way in which the naturally joyful process of learning has been twisted to become something unpleasant and scary. 

When I was a kid, I loved learning. I would spend hours reading a book or learning a new skill, completely present in the process, in a flow state. Around my early teen years something shifted: I started to notice something in the tone of a teacher’s voice or in the glances of other students that made my chest and throat tighten, and my pulse quicken. Thoughts like “I should be getting this faster” and “why can’t I remember anything?” swirled around in my head and made it harder and harder for me to concentrate. 

From a nervous system perspective, the learning wound arises when a person is pressured to perform when they do not feel safe.  True learning is a form of play, and play happens in the parasympathetic state, when a person feels safe and connected to others. Play cannot happen when a person feels that they are not safe and accepted.

Much of my work with myself and with my clients lately has been around tending to this wound. Can we grieve the ways we have been forced to perform while not feeling safe, and the deep disconnections that has created? Can we cultivate enough grounding and safety so that we can start to learn again, from a place that feels genuine and juicy? Can we remember that actually, we love learning?

Does this resonate with you? Do you have a learning wound? When did it first start to appear? Can you remember what learning felt like in your body before you were wounded in this way?